It's a quiet early December morning and I want to finish the Mount Everest book I have been reading - Into Thin Air: A Personal Account of the Mount Everest Disaster. It is about members of a Everest team who perished in a rogue storm. For me, this is an amazing story of resilience and not loss.
One of the amazing things about being a firefighter, is that you get to regularly witness the resilience that people have under some of the most difficult circumstances imaginable. You make a distinct choice as a firefighter, to see the resilience or see the loss that people experience.
The sudden, unexpected loss of a loved one creates a gap in our lives that will remain for the rest of our lives. Seeing this happen to people, I have just met will always be demanding and difficult in a way that is very hard to explain. I will always say a quick prayer for those that remain and for all the hard work ahead of them. Being resilient will always be the best way to move forward but even the most resilient person will have those days when their hearts are unbearably heavy.
Coffee is hot, the house is quiet and as I take the first sip of coffee and pull the book towards me, I hear the fly. The gigantic fly is buzzing and bumping up and down the sliding glass door.
There is always a single fly that hides out until December. I push the book back across the table take another sip of coffee and try to remember what I have done with the fly swatters. I can't remember but I know what to do next.
I am a trained professional and I know exactly how to handle this fly. I go into the garage to get a big can of wasp spray, grab the garage broom, and roll up a big chunk of the Sunday newspaper.
I am standing next to the sliding glass door and shaking the can of wasp spray and start to reach for the broom handle.
My mom who is visiting me, walks into the kitchen and asks me what I am doing. I tell her I am going to kill the Christmas fly. She smiles, touches my face in that gentle way only a mother can do. She shakes her head and walks over to the sliding glass door and slides it open. With a couple of waves of her hand, the Christmas fly goes right through the open door.
I hate it when that happens.
Instead of opening the door, I was essentially going to kill this fly with a brick. Killing a fly with a brick instead of an open door never works well. You will end up breaking a lot of things you never intended to break.
This is a strong reminder to me, a lot of people (including me) love to see a person trying to kill a fly with a brick. It is entertaining in a way that is not healthy at all. The brick thrower is the guy you want to watch but avoid in regular life. I pause and stop shaking the wasp spray, set it down on the kitchen table and give my mom a hug and tell her thank you.
This is one of those lessons, I have to keep relearning. A measured response can be smart and elegant. Throwing a brick feels great but it is neither smart nor elegant.
There are certainly times when throwing a brick is needed, but they are very few and far between.
I am sitting at my desk at station 3 thinking about the Christmas fly and reaching for my book, when the familiar voice comes over the plectron and the green light highlights the room.
"Engine 3, Paramedic 4, please respond to 687 Weld County Road 5 for an unknown medical"
I can hear everyone getting out of chairs upstairs and the TV being shut off. I take another sip of coffee before I key the microphone on my desk.
"Engine 3 enroute status 4" I say nodding my head to everyone headed out to the Engine. Paramedic 4 has just cleared from Longmont United Hospital. We should be the first arriving Engine.
The address is not in a housing complex, and I start to think, I should make sure the Sheriff's Deputies have been dispatched to the address. As we pull up to the address I can see an older man on the porch of the house. It looks like every light in the house is on.
"Engine 3 arrival, this will be Road 5 command, we will be investigating" I say into the microphone as the man on the porch starts walking down to the engine. Before I can say anything, the older man starts talking to me.
"I do not know what he took, but he is out of control, and I am afraid he is going to hurt me or himself, I don't know what to do". I nod to him, hold up my finger to have him pause and get back on the radio.
"Dispatch, Road 5 command, please confirm SO has been dispatched to this location" I say into the microphone and tell everyone on the engine to standby.
"Road 5 command, SO has been dispatched, ETA is 10 minutes" I acknowledge the radio transmission and get out of the Engine and talk with the man standing on the porch. The man is dad, and he says his son is in the house and will not come out of the house. I tell dad, that I need to get on the porch to see his son and the wide-eyed dad nods his head and heads back towards the porch.
As I look in the window, I see male who is in his 20's, completely naked with cowboy boots in each hand and he is holding the boot and slamming the heal of both boots into the floor. Every time he hits the floor, he lets out a high-pitched scream.
"Do you have any idea what he is doing with those cowboy boots?" I ask him and he looks back at me and in a one-word answer says, no.
Dad has told me his son's name is Tom. I can hear the deputies coming in emergent. I get on the radio and advise the deputies and paramedic 4 that the situation is not code 4. Code 4 is the indication that the situation is safe for the first responders. I am concerned about what is in the house that his son can grab or use on anyone walking into the building.
I can see the blue and red lights coming up the road and I am wondering how they can get him out of the house. I get on the radio and tell the Engine 3 crew to stay with the Engine until the patient is taken out of the house
"Tom, what are you hitting with your boots?" I ask him through the screen door.
Tom looks up at me and says "Spiders, there are spiders everywhere in the house"
"Tom, there are no spiders on the porch, leave the boots and come out here where there are no spiders" Tom, blinks hard and looks at me. He drops both boots and walks out to the porch completely naked.
The Sheriff's Officers have arrived and are walking up to the porch, I nod to them and step down to brief them.
Somewhere, my mom is smiling, knowing that her beloved son chose to open the door instead of the default of using the brick.
The deputies are pulling out cuffs, a taser, and are looking intently at the naked 20-year-old with his head hanging down talking to his dad. One of the deputies has told the dad to step away from the son. I ask if the Engine is needed, and the deputies say no, and they are walking purposely up the steps.
I get back into the officer seat on Engine3 and tell Chris (my engineer) we can go home. I want to leave while the door is open and before anyone picks up a brick.
My Everest book is waiting for me.
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