Chapter 18 - Somewhere Over the Rainbow

On one of my first visits, I dutifully rang the doorbell to be let in and created some confusion and chaos for the residents in the exercise group. There are established activities and patterns that create a needed sense of order for everyone.  Interrupting that order creates problems for the staff, residents, and embarrasses the living hell out of a new volunteer.

I put my face up to the glass to catch the eye of the receptionist who is sitting at her desk in the great room.  She sees me, smiles and leans over to push the button and waves me in the door.  After a quick stealthy walk, I am in the interior day room for my weekly visit with Jane.  There are a handful of residents who do not participate in group exercise sessions and all of them are sitting in the day room. 

In the day room there are two retired physicians, a retired university professor, a couple of beloved mothers and a retired bus driver.  I know them all by name and there are days they nod or say hi.  There are other days when they are alone in their thoughts or catching a nap on one of the comfortable recliners.     

Jane is sitting in a chair and looking out into the courtyard and looks like she is absorbed in thought.  I'll pull up a dining chair and sit next to her and wait until she acknowledges my presence.  Jane has an Irish brogue and a booming voice, there are days I hear her before I can see her.  I sit down and after about 5 minutes Jane looks at me and says in a whisper "Johnny" and she smiles and resumes looking out of the window.  It is going to be a quiet visit today.

I can sit with Jane for long periods of time in comfortable silence.   Jane like most of the people I see has managed to teach me a bit about myself.  I am not particularly patient or insightful person, so sitting with her at first and not talking to her seemed like I was not doing what I needed to.  I was assigned to Jane for companionship and companionship to me was talking.  On one of the first visits, I had with her I was sitting next to her and thinking about what to say and she put her head on my shoulder without saying a word.  I sat with her that day for most of the visit without saying a word.  Since then, I have understood that companionship is a lot more than filling up the silence when two people are together.  Silence is comfortable for both of us now.

I do a quick scan of the day room and it seems like it is going to be a quiet day all the way around.  Over on the red couch, there is a new resident that I have not seen before.   He is sitting in a chair by himself holding on to one of the couch pillows.  His brow is furrowed, and he keeps looking at the staff passing by him.  When they see him, they greet him as they pass.

"Hey John, how are you today" a fresh-faced CNA says to him.

John pulls the couch pillow up closer to his face and turns to look away.  He is looking at everyone in the day room with a suspicious, worried look.  I don't talk to John, and I am careful that he does not see me looking at him.  I don't want to add to his angst today. 

Mark is the maintenance man for this side of the facility.  He is perpetually singing a song while he is working.  He only stops singing long enough to enthusiastically greet the residents like they are long lost friends of his.  He stops in front of Jane's chair.

"Jane, honey how are you today, you look great, I love that sweater" Mark says.

Jane moves her hand over mine and gently sets it down on mine and continues to look out the window, not responding to Mark.  

Mark turns to me and says "Have you heard Jane talk?  She has a beautiful Irish brogue; it fills the whole place up".   

Before I can answer he is moving towards John.  He starts singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow".

John sits up and puts the couch pillow in his lap and is watching Mark sing.  Surprise has replaced the worried look on his face.

"John, you know this song? " Mark says standing in front of him.

"Sing it with me, come on, sing it with me" Mark sits down on the coffee table directly in front of John.

"Somewhere over the rainbow....." Mark starts to sing.

John has a a clear tenor's voice; everyone is surprised he is singing in a load clear beautiful voice.

"And the dreams that you dreamed of once in a lullaby."

"Somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly and the dreams you dreamed of"

"Dreams really do come true." 

They are both singing together now lost in the song.  The handful of residents in the day room are looking at both John and Mark singing.  Jane takes her hand off of mine, puts both hands in her lap turns towards the duet, she is smiling.

The CNA's have quietly appeared and are leaning in doorways watching Mark and John sing.  John's eyes are closed, and he is really belting the song out.  The staff RN's have walked into the room and are sitting quietly in kitchen listening.  Kitchen staff are leaning out the door in the dining area listening. 

"Someday I'll wish upon a star, Wake up where the clouds are far behind me"
"Where trouble melts like lemon drops, High above the chimney top"

"That's where you'll find me"

The song has ended, and Mark is looking wide eyed at John, and he is laughing.

"John! You sing like a rock star!" and he stands up in front of John.

John opens his eyes and looks at at Mark for a quick moment, before he turns away and pulls his couch pillow up close to his chest.  Kitchen staff have disappeared from the doorway and the RNs are walking back to the resident's rooms.  There are no CNA's in leaning in the doorways.  Jane puts her hand gently on top of mine and looks back out the window.

Mark is walking away looking pleased with himself and singing "I've Got You Under My Skin" and doing Frank Sinatra proud.

I have seen a shooting star land right in the day room and I am floored.  The RN smiled and winked at me when I was signing out from my visit with Jane.  The story that I tell friends and family never will fully translate. 

A door opened for John for a brief moment, and he found his voice, a beautiful tenor voice.  We all were the beneficiaries of John finding his voice that day. 

John, like Jane has managed to teach me something that I thought I already knew.   I always thought everyone one has a shooting start or two left in them on any given day.  I learned that not every shooting star happens when there is a life changing event, or the perfect circumstances collide with each other.  Some of the most beautiful ones happen when a simple kindness is extended to another person for no particular reason.   

John who could not look at people directly made me look at everyone a little more directly.

And the song "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" officially belongs to John now.