Monday, August 7, 2017

Chapter 32 - The Line

 Chapter 32 - The Line 



The line to see  Clayton Moore "The Lone Ranger" is a mile long.  I got here an hour early and the line goes completely around the building.

When they announced the opening of the new mall in Cheyenne, they kept teasing that they were assembling a star studded group of people to open welcome people to the mall.  I could not believe my luck when they announced Clayton Moore would be there Saturday morning.  I have always been a Lone Ranger fan.  

For the uninitiated, here is the Long Ranger Code
  • I believe that to have a friend -a man must be one
  • That all men are created equal and everyone has within himself the power to make this a better world.
  • That all men are created equal and that everyone has within himself the power to make this a better world.
  • That God put the firewood there but that every man must gather and light it himself.
  • In being prepared physically, mentally, and morally to fight when necessary for what is right.
  • That a man should make the most of what equipment he has.
  • That sooner or later, we must settle with the world and make payment for what we have taken
  • That all things change but truth, and that truth alone, lives on forever.
It turns out that late in life, Clayton Moore had to live the Lone Ranger Code in his real life.

The owner of the Lone Ranger character planned to make a new Lone Ranger film and obtained a court order to prevent Clayton Moore from making appearances as the Lone Ranger in his trademark black mask.  The owner worried that his appearances (he was well into his 60's) would create the bad press for the new movie.  

Clayton Moore bypassed the court order by changing the trademark black mask for sunglasses and continued to do personal appearances.  

I finally get into the packed food court and I am in a group of adoring fans from every age and type.

I am thrilled that he is standing here in his one piece blue jump suit and red bandana, with big black gun belt and two gigantic silver six shooters.  I cannot imagine (even in my 20's) putting all of me in a form fitting jumpsuit.  I wish I could tell Clayton you are just rocking two of the primary Lone Range Code rules.  You are definitely making the most of what you have and you have lit the firewood that God has given you.

I woo hoo with everyone and at the end of the show, I am blissfully happy, tired, and so glad I to see him.  

I am so glad I chose to wait in that long ass line!

"Mary Vera is in room 3306, third floor in the Cardiac Care Unit" the volunteer sitting behind the desk tells me.

"Please wear your mask and wristband at all times"

When I see her in the room, she smiles at me and says "Michael"

She looks small in the hospital bed.  Its hard to see her in a hospital bed looking frail.

"I gave you a gift two years ago and I forgot to show it to you" I tell her

When her parents house was sold in Fort Collins, there was a small statue of the Virgin Mary in a grotto in the front yard.   At the request of my mom, I rescued the Virgin Mary and she resided on my work bench for a calendar year.  I decided that the Virgin Mary needed a more permanent home,   So I took the Virgin Mary and a picture of my 20 year old mother and I placed them on hill overlooking the church at Chimayo, New Mexico.  The church is the Lourdes of North America, a place where miracles happen.

"I put a Virgin Mary on the hill overlooking the Church at Chimayo with a Mary that was not a Virgin"

I showed her the pictures and a happy tear rolled down her face.

"I said a quick prayer and hoped you would come see me,  I need you to do something for me" she said smiling and reached out to hold my hand.

She called Laura on Thursday, to say that she was having chest pains and was driving herself to the hospital.  I want to talk to her about this.  As a Firefighter, I have seen people who were driven to the hospital die of heart attacks on the way to the Emergency Room.  If she would have called me, I would have called 911 and brought help to her door.  I have been thinking on the drive up how I can convince her that that is the best way going forward and saying a prayer that there is not a next time.

After she arrived at the hospital, they determined she did in fact have a heart attack.  While she was being monitored she had a second heart attack.   The doctors made the decision to transport her to a larger hospital who specializes in Cardiac Care.  When I told her I was coming up, she said the doctors were coming to see her in 20 minutes.  I want to hear what they told her and see if I can talk to them.

"I want you to spread my ashes in the creek behind the Santuario.  Put Chris's ashes in first and when they are gone, put my ashes in after his" she squeezes my hand and smiles again.

Chris is Uncle Chris, her brother who died unexpectedly 3 years ago.

The El Santuario de Chimayo is considered the most important pilgrimage site in the United States.  It is considered the Lourdes of the United States.  It is celebrated site where a wide variety of miracles have occurred.  There is a small hole in the precept off the main alter where the "holy dirt" that is believed to have miraculous healing powers.  

It is a site that I have traveled to every Holy Week to do the pilgrimage on Good Friday to do the 20 miles walk to the church.  It is a site that mom has visited faithfully every year of her adult life.

"I can do that" I squeeze her hand back, hold here gaze, and smile back at her.

Fuck

For a guy who prides himself on always planning for worse case scenario, it sounds like complete hell when my mom does the very same thing.

"What did the doctors tell you?"  I want change the subject and get back on track.

" I need stents" she says.  The doctor's found extensive blockage and were saying frankly that she is lucky that she made it in for this procedure.  She is scheduled to go in early for the procedure on Saturday morning.  

I am relieved at this, stenting is not considered major surgery and is a minimally invasive procedure.  While we are talking the doctor stops in for a quick visit.   He is saying the procedure takes less than an hour and that his expectation is that this will resolve the cardiac issue for mom.

I am even more relieved and feel lucky that she has made it this far based on the extensive blockage they have found.  

"I don't want anyone to know about this until after it is done" she said.  I did not argue with her, I listened.  She did not want everyone one to call or come up, she did not want them to worry.  The procedure she explained will be done, she can go home and then she would let everyone know.  The hospital, because of COVID protocols would only let 2 people visit per day.  We got around this by waiting for the hospital volunteers (who worked in 2 hour shifts) to end their shifts.  It was a simple as cutting bands off and taping them back on.

"I will see you in the morning after your procedure and then we will decide how to get you home and taken care of"  I told her.  She smiled and hugged me and told me to go home,

Mom's doctor called me Saturday morning at 9AM and asked me to come up and be there when his team gave mom the update on next steps.

The 40 minute drive to the hospital, seemed like it took 3 hours.  I wanted to hear the words "Patient Care after the procedure", I wanted to hear him ask who would take her home and look after her.  

Not Next Steps...

The doctor was in the hallway at the nurses station and I walked over to him.  

At the time of this writing doctor, I cannot remember your name.  For the rest of my life, I will remember your compassion, generosity, and humanity for the rest of my life.  And for the record, I gave you the longest man hug ever recorded.  I think I made the nurses nervous that day.

"She is going to need open heart surgery and we are going to have to do that Sunday morningeven in the age of Covid, he reaches out to put his hand on my shoulder to comfort me.  He explains that the artery damage is so extensive, stents cannot be done.  The only option is open heart surgery.  It is hard to ask, but I said I did not believe at 81 with her health problems that she could survive open heart surgery.  The doctor put her ability to survive the surgery at 90%.

For the second time this weekend, I have not planned for worse case scenario.  

Fuck

"Father Steve will be in to see you this morning for the anointing"  said the lady holding her appointment pad in hand.  She smiled at me and asked if I was Mary's son.  I smiled and said yes.

"Anointing? I asked mom.

"Anointing is Last Rights, they don't call it Last Rights but that is what it is"  she has a tired, worried smile on her face.

A team of doctors is standing at the door to come in and talk to her.  She looks so small lying in the bed surrounded by a team of four doctors.  Mom takes all of the information in and stays remarkably composed.  Surgery will be done at 9AM and the duration is expected to be 4-5 hours.  She will be taken to recovery after for an expected 3-5 days.  When she is discharged, the family will have to make arrangements to put her in a facility that can care for her full time for an expected 3-4 months. 

This team of doctors is magnificent, they patiently answer every question and when they leave the room, we are both strangely optimistic about the path going forward.  We are both trying to process all of the information, when Father Steve comes into the room and introduces himself. 

"Nice to meet you Father, I will grab a soda and stretch my legs" I tell him and nod to mom.

"I need you to stay with me while I do this"  she reaches out to hold my hand.   I cringe, I do not want to be in the room when my mom gets the Last Rites from a priest.  I think this will be very personal for my mom, and I don't want to be with anyone when they are having that intimate discussion with a priest.

"Please stay" says Father Steve

I look into my mom's eyes and I realize I cannot tell her no.  I reach out hold her hand for a minute and sit down in the chair next to the window.

Father Steve reached out and held both of mom's hands. I was startled to hear mom audibly sob.  She was staring straight at Father Steve and was crying harder than I have ever seen my mother cry.  She could not catch her breath for a very long moment.  

She told Father Steve that she had lived her life backwards.  She said she could remember in great clarity the mean people said and did to her.  Between sobs, she said she had a more difficult time remember all of the beautiful things that people said and did for her.  Family and friends would make her mad and she would be very direct in her communications to them, she was not shy about letting you know she was mad as hell at you.

"I don't think people knew that no matter how mad I was, that I never stopped loving them"  she said between sobs.   Father Steve quietly told her that all of this could be fixed.  Mom stopped crying and looked at him more closely.  She said that when she got out of the hospital, she would fix everything.  She would start with her immediate family, call everyone and spend time with them so they could understand they were always loved.  More importantly, she wanted everyone to not live their lives backward.  

She smiled a huge smile, hugged Father Steve and reached out her hand to hold mine.  We sat quietly and held hands until the nurse interrupted with her meds.

After a 6 hour surgery on Sunday, I went to see mom in ICU recovery.   I got to hold her hand and sit quietly for a minute until the ICU nurses needed to tend to her.

On Thursday March 17th (St. Patrick's Day) at 2pm Mary Louise Vera became immortal. 

A saving grace here is that this was the only time in this 5 day stretch that I had finally planned for worst case scenario.  The work that she started with Father Steve continues to this day.  I am happy that the important work she cared about so dearly is left in the hands of her children.  It will not happen overnight, but it will happen.  The tree of family unity must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of siblings and misunderstandings.

I take a great deal of solace in knowing she is in the arms of the people she missed so dearly in her life.  There is already a line of people waiting to hold her, her mom, dad, brothers Chris, Dick, and Tom.

I know with a great deal of clarity that I will get to hold her again.

I am just at the end of another long assed line...



EPILOG - The Work Continues - The Eulogy

Mom has always been passionate about the important things and people in her life.  When mom found a person, place, or organization that needed help, she applied her time and resources to help in any way that should could.  That has been a consistent theme throughout her life.  Of all of the people gathered here today, most of you have benefited in one way or another from this part of who she was.  For everyone she helped, I hope you pause and realize she did this because she loved you a great deal.  I want everybody to celebrate that about mom.

Mom did not apologize or pause to explain why she helped people, it was her passion.  If you thought you could persuade her to temper or scale back her support, you would be incorrect.  I have spent time in the doghouse with mom because I tried to do this very thing.  The passion she had in life, was in every aspect of her life.  I know there are members of the audience here today that spent time in that same doghouse, because we tried to apply our sensibilities to her passions in life. 

As we got together this week to plan this service for mom, I realized I am indeed my mothers son.  When I think that someone is trying to apply their own sensibilities to the passions I have in my life, I start to put them in a very familiar doghouse.  I was able to pause this week and listen more to the people around me.  I wish I would have listened to mom more and attempted to persuade her a little less.    If you leave today and take a minute to listen to your loved one more than you normally would, please do that.  And if you have a doghouse, the only resident of that place should be a dog.

I was able to spend time with mom in the couple of days before her surgery.  She had asked to speak to a priest, she wanted to be anointed before her surgery.  Anointing is what was previously known as Last Rites.  When the priest arrived in her room, I got up to leave.  I did not want to be in the room when this was done.  I thought it was going to be very personal and I was not at all interested in seeing anyone, especially my mom get an anointing.  To my surprise, she asked me to stay and the priest also said I should stay.

I was not in a position to say no to my mom.  And although, I have considered myself a Catholic, my entire life, I am have not been to church in a while.  I was relieved today to see that Jesus did not fall off the cross when I walked in the door today.

When mom was talking to the priest, I saw her in a very unguarded way.  I was very struck by what she told the priest.  She told the priest that she could remember in with great clarity the hard times, the mean things that people said and did to her.  She said she had much more difficulty remembering all of the beautiful things people said and did to and for her.  She said she thought that at times that she lived her life backwards.  She said she should have spent more time celebrating all the beautiful people and things in her life.  

She said when she was mad at someone in her immediate circle that she never stopped loving them.  She worried a great deal that the people she was mad at may have not realized that she she never stopped loving them, even for a moment.  

I hope everyone who spent time in the doghouse lets that sink in for a minute.  She told the priest that her deep and abiding love for those closest to her never changed, even when she was mad as hell.  The priest reminded her that the anointing was a healing.  Mom said that when she got out of hospital, she would start living her life remember all the beautiful people and things in her life.  She also said she would let everyone know that she was mad at know that she never stopped loving them for a minute.  

Mom did get out of the hospital.  Instead of coming back here to us, she ended up in the arms of her loved ones that she missed so much - Grandpa Charlie, Grandma Maggie, Tom, Dick, Charlotte,  and Chris.  

I hope each one of you here help mom finish the work that mom left us with.  It is my hope that for all of you who are fighting with a loved one that you that you leave your sword and amour under your church  pew and make sure you let people in your life know how much you love them.  That would be a beautiful way to celebrate mom.

And when you are missing her, I want you all to know you will be able to put your arms around her again, you are just at the end of a very long line  

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